What Are Your Family’s Values?

Whilst writing about values the other day, I started thinking about my family, about our two boys. It got me reflecting about our family’s values, what they were and if the boys knew them. And if I asked them what our values are, what are our highest priorities and what’s most important to our family, what would they say?

So putting myself and my parenting out there, I asked.

My youngest A. was first.

Me: So son, I want to ask you a question.

A: Mmm.

Me: What do you think our families highest priorities are? What do we think is most in important in life and in our family?

A: How we treat each other.

Me: How we treat each other, yeah ok, and how should we treat each other?

A: With respect, with pride, with awesomeness, with great puberty.

Me: With great puberty? (we both laugh) I think you might have lost the plot there, son. Ok good, good, so what else do you think is the most important thing in our family?

A: (Looking out the window) Wait, what?

Me: (With great patience) What else is the most important thing to our family?

A: Me and J. (his brother) and you and Dad and the whole family (this is chanted in a sing song voice).

Me: Ok and what’s important about that?

A. How we treat each other, how we talk to each other, how we do stuff together, how we kick each others butts. (He’s only 12, there had to be a butt or fart in there somewhere.)

Me: Very funny. What are our families values?

A: Be happy, not be sad. Be kind and be awesome.

Me: Cool.

A: Mum don’t say cool.

Me: Oh. Alright.

Then it was my eldest sons turn, J.

Me: When I ask you what you think our families highest priorities are, what would you say?

J: Ummmm. Like the highest things we have to do?

Me: I guess the things that are most important in our family.

J: Ok, umm, I’m going to have to say, ummmm, probably to stay happy, not get depressed.

Me: (laughing) Ok, yes.

J: Being really strict with time on computers. (They recently had a major time restriction placed on them.)

Me: Oh, yeah.

J: Ummm. Don’t worry, be happy.

Me: Alright, good. So what would you say are our families values?

J: Whats that?

Me: I mean what does our family believe in?

J: We believe in being happy. We believe in freedom.

Me: Freedom. For who or what?

J: Freedom furniture (a chain of stores that sells household furniture).

Me: (laughing) Yeah, really.

J: They supplied all the furniture in here.

Me: Yes, ok. Anything else we believe in?

J: Care for each other, watch out for each other, no swearing. And thats all.

Me: Ok, right. Good, thank you darling.

Considering I was dealing with two pubescent males I thought these responses weren’t too bad. I laughed that we have obviously given a strong message about how important it is to be a happy person. I must admit I hadn’t realised they had both picked that up.

So basically they see our family’s values as:

1. Be happy.

2. Don’t be sad or depressed.

3. Treat each other well. (Except for an occasional round of butt kicking).

4. Respect each other.

5. Be proud of each other.

6. Talk and hang out together.

7. Be kind.

8. Take care of each other.

9. No swearing.

I guess I’m pretty happy with that.

So why talk about values.

I think as parents we know our own values and beliefs for our family but then just assume that our children have picked these up by osmosis or something. Although this is true sometimes, it is probably not a sure enough bet for me. I really want my kids to understand what our family believes about how to live a good life, how to treat people, how to have healthy relationships and what is important in life. You know, the things that really matter. Everyone will have a slightly different idea about what this constitutes for them, which is great. But do your kids know what they are?

Benefits of Sharing Family Values.

1. It gives your kids a code of conduct when living their day to day lives.

2. It helps them feel connected to something bigger than themselves. They are part of a family that loves and cares for them enough to share with them these guideleines to live by.

3. It sets an expectation for the standard of behaviour you want for your children. Discussing your family’s values lets your kids know what you expect from them even if you are not around. I remember my Dad used to say as we were leaving the house. “Now remember kids to uphold the Cartwright family name”. We used to joke about it but the message was clear. When you are out and about conduct yourself and behave in a way that reflects what our values are about. Of course we didn’t always do this (sorry Dad) but it certainly put a lid on some of our wilder behaviours!

4. It encourages them to think about their own values and beliefs. It gets kids to consider the question “what do I stand for?”.

So go on, ask your kids, no matter what age (my sister asked her 3 and 5 year old) and if you get some great answers…awesome.

If you don’t, then lucky you asked!!